wearingguess | prisminbox!

I am not going to cry... despite your best efforts...
But speaking of chroma, you owe me quite a bit. So we should probably get comfortable.

[ there's patio furniture (something comfy and vaguely nestlike) out here, and a swanky roman-style couch inside! but there's no law that says they have to sit down. except for the law where it's a hassle to keep standing all the time. ]

[HE IS DOING HIS 50% BEST.

Despite the everything about him, Yan Qing is a private person. He invites himself into Titus's apartment, making a beeline for his couch. It looks soft and luxurious, and he wants to feel rich.]

I don't remember anything about owing you chroma. Did I borrow money from you in my sleep? I'm not that kinda guy.

[Throw pillow... fluffy. He hugs it... It's his now.]

Have it your way, then... How about this? This has absolutely nothing to do with you, but I just so happened to lose a lot of chroma last week, and I have decided you are the best person to help me restore it.

[ wtffffffffff ]

Hug me, not the pillow!!

Hahahaha, too slow! While you were busy getting iced tea, the pillow beat you to it.

[But okay. He tosses the throw pillow out of the way. Thankfully, it hits nothing but a wall, but why is he like this?

Ah, but this couch is really soft. He reclines the way he's seen emperors do, propping his head up with a hand as he lies on his side.]

If you want to hug me so much, why doncha come and get it?

You are even colder than the panda caretaker! After all that talk about wanting to take care of someone, you intend to make me beg for every little thing?

[ that said, titus does fling himself down on the couch with some gusto. since he could see no easy alternative if that's the position yan qing wants to be in, he's opted for lying on his back immediately in front of him so that they're face to face... more or less. ]

Mm, yeah, pretty much. You're not the boss of me!

[But their faces are only inches apart now, and before he even thinks about wrapping his arms around him, Yan Qing can't help but stare. His hand rests on Titus's chest as he examines his profile, his features even softer than Yan Qing's own, and how they are so similar to face he's seen in Titus's memories.]

... The woman you spoke to a lot... You really do look like her.

[ titus sighs and relaxes a little, laying his own hand on top of yan qing's... being looked at so intently makes him blush (and quickens his heartbeat a bit, which no doubt is just as obvious). ]

Lady Scheherazade...
That is because I am her clone. She created me from a fragment of her own flesh and bone.

[He won't point his heartbeat out, but he definitely doesn't want to stop feeling it. He's endeared!]

So she's like your sister. Or your mom! I'm kind of jealous.

[Being related to someone by blood... sounds nice. A lot of people find it troublesome, but it only means they have someone who has a connection with them, right?]

But in your memories, she was saying things that made you feel sad...

I always thought of her as like a mother, but I suppose she could be a little bit like a sister, too. After all, a replica is like a twin... so in a sense, we share the same parents. Whoever they may have been.

[ it's weird to think of scheherazade as having parents, or being born, or growing. she seems like someone who's simply always existed and always will. ]

That was...
She thought that... I was making a mistake by living together with Marga and building a life in Magnostadt even though I had so little time left. And on the last night before I awoke here, she told me that my mission was about to end, and when it did, I was to return to Reim.

[Getting attached is the last thing anyone should be doing on a mission. That would make Titus a pretty shitty agent, wouldn't it? But Yan Qing can't say that. He can't bring himself to, especially when—]

But you didn't want it to end.

[Not a guess, but a fact. The tears are still fresh in his mind.]

Marga... So that's her name. She looked sickly, and I don't think she had any parents. Why look out for her?

[ mysteriously, fourteen years of learning science facts in the dark did not imbue titus with the professionalism and killer instinct of a career spy. ]

...You are answering your own question, aren't you? If she were healthy and had parents, then there would hardly be any need for me to look out for her.

[clearly, Scheherazade did not think this through! But we must digress.]

You know that's not what I mean.

[Why did he need to help her?

He feels pathetic, asking a boy for words he wants to hear. Titus can't answer the questions his master left him. He removes his hand, and soon it is his head that rests on Titus's chest.]

Forget it. Just hug me.

[ titus isn't entirely sure he does know what yan qing meant. while yan qing has seen and felt some of titus's feelings and memories (even though he isn't quite sure exactly which ones), titus has never been privy to yan qing's... beyond what he's actually told him, of course.

but he does remember something yan qing said during the incident they're glossing over. you help others without a second thought... no matter how weak. no matter how wretched.

hmm.

for now, he holds him close, hoping his chest that has never popped a single button is still a comfortable enough pillow. ]

There, there. You're a cute, enormous panda.

[ however, he fails to "forget it." and after a moment, he goes on: ]

...I didn't want to admit this at first, but Marga...
Her situation reminded me so much of my own. She had only heard stories of the outside world, and she wanted so badly to see it. And because of her illness, they said she would live another year at most. Maybe I thought that if I could grant her wish... and save her life... it would somehow save mine, too.

[Save... his life?

Yan Qing doesn't know the feeling that tightens his chest. Envy? Pity? And for who? Marga and Titus are so lucky. Living together, saving each other — it would be nice if that was everyone's truth. Because if that held true, and his master truly thought saving a penniless orphan could save him, wouldn't he still be alive? If all of Lu Junyi's kindness was meant for that one final moment, then Yan Qing really messed up, didn't he? He knows that. There isn't a time his sin is on his mind. And even if he could save his master, there's one thing he still doesn't understand.

Why would his master leave him?

His shoulders shake, and tears dampen Titus's shirt.]

Edited (no changes, i just can't believe titus made a grown man cry) 2019-10-14 20:41 (UTC)

[ ??????????????????????????????
he has no idea what he said wrong. should he ask? or just apologize? yan qing can be so unpredictable, so what is the right thing to do for him? (they're ignoring that thing from before. maybe he should ignore this too.) (but that would be terribly callous and cruel, wouldn't it??)

...for now he decides to keep talking. something to focus on other than how miserable he is helps titus out a lot of the time; maybe yan qing needs something like that. ]

You know, I...
Aladdin is from... three years after I left. He told me that, even then, Marga is well and happy.
And that is really all I know. I was too afraid to ask him anything else. I am still too afraid.

[ ah shit. now he's tearing up too... like a lot... ahhh, his eyes really sting... ]

Maybe it really wasn't possible for me. It... it probably wasn't.
So when I think about Marga... living happily, even if I'm not there anymore...
I feel so lonely. Sometimes I even feel envious.
But I'm...

[ ahh the for-real sobs are on their way. he can't hold them off forever, so he makes an effort to hurry through everything else he wants to say. (it's interrupted by a little hiccuping heave here and there, though.) ]

I am so happy. Because even if living longer wasn't possible for me, it was for her. I made so many mistakes, but helping Marga is the one thing I know was right. The one thing that definitely mattered, whatever else may have happened... and whatever became of me...

And—and even though I want so much more than that, I think that maybe knowing she will live and be happy is the only thing I truly need.

[ the for-real sobs are Here ]

[ Yan Qing closes his eyes, breathes, and listens. Thinking isn't his strong point. All he can do is feel, and he feels Titus is sincere. If he lets his mind drift, he can almost hear another voice speaking in his place. The word on his back is righteousness — to do what is right no matter the consequences. Even if he and his master were not related by blood, that was the one thing they shared...

But. ]

You're so stupid.

[ Compassion and relief are not the only things Yan Qing feels. He hovers over Titus, eyes still red, yet his mouth pulled into a smile that is neither warm nor friendly. ]

Don't give me that shit. If you want something so badly, why don't you fight for it? You think you're the only one who wants you to live?

Can't you let me cry for a minute? You started this, so go easy on me for once...

[He's trying to ask him important questions here and Titus is telling him to give him a break? The nerve. He...]

[laughs.]

Wahahaha! You're right, you're right. I'm being too hard on you, huh? Let's get back to the program.

[And then, he hugs Titus. He rolls over and before he knows it, Titus is now on top, his chest resting against Yan Qing's.]

[ titus is extremely mollified, and even puts some effort into not getting any tears or snot on yan qing's nice new shirt. about forty-five seconds later, he's cried it out enough for now. ]

...Perhaps I am being a little too pessimistic.
It's not as though I've completely given up...
But why does that make me stupid?

[Forty-five... At least make it a minute!

Titus is not stupid. Yan Qing just got carried away. He tends to do that — to get caught up in his own emotions and feel too much. Not knowing what else to do, he settles for stroking the mage's hair. Despite all the spells Titus knows, he still has a way to go as a person, doesn't he?]

I just think that... No, I know... [A rough hand lifts Titus's face for Yan Qing to see. His smile is tender, and his voice trembles, for once.] I know that even if they can live on without you, it doesn't mean they don't miss you.

You gotta make it back to Marga, Titus. I swear I'll see that through.

[ titus leans into yan qing's hand with an appreciative huff. ah, his eyes feel all puffy... but he gives a genuine smile back, and his heart twists all over again. ]

You must have some kind of magic I don't know about... If anyone else said that, I really don't think I would believe them at all.

[ he sighs heavily and a bit theatrically, and while he was considerate enough not to cry on yan qing's shirt, he's just feeling totally free to wrinkle it all up by wrapping his fingers in it and clinging. ]

Ahh... I really want to see her again!!
Why can't she just come here and live with me forever? It would be so much simpler!

[Yan Qing smiles to himself as Titus's words repeat in his head. Ah, why does Titus believe him? What kind of magic could it be?! Just kidding. He's well aware of what it is.]

Maybe she wouldn't mind that! Ahahahaha!

[Honestly, if it were Yan Qing, he wouldn't.]

What would you do if she was here?

[ is it dicknotism ]

Of course she wouldn't!
...
Wait, would she?
...I mean, what makes you say "maybe"?

[ he shuts his eyes... and imagines... ]

If Marga were here...
I suppose I would move to an apartment or a home with an additional bedroom.
I would visit the Lunar Scientiae and see what kind of medical treatments are available for those with her illness... and seek out additional magical healing as necessary.
And I would show her all my favorite things to do and places to eat in the city...
And sign her up for school...
And maybe I would try learning to cook.

[it's dicknotism

But apparently it's not strong enough to keep him from asking personal questions! Stop talking! Just think about his dick!!!!!

Titus sounds like he has it all figured out, though. What a nice life plan.]

...

How have you been eating all this time?

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